Running for your Life.
People who don't run always have a reason why.
"my knees are bad"
"it hurt's my back"
"I don't have time"
"I'm too out of shape"
"running pants make my butt look big"
When I started running I was all those things. And I hated myself.
When I started running I wore a beat up old pair of tennis shoes. When I started running I wore a pair of XL sweatpants.
It was July.
I ran at night so no one would see me.
But somewhere deep down I knew that nothing could ever feel as bad as I did about myself. I was already so low that not being able to run for more than 60 seconds couldn't possibly break me down anymore.
So out I would go, after dark so no one would see. I would carry my cd player in one hand and my water in the other. I would trudge my way through 5km, and some nights only 1km.
I'm not sure when running became "easy", come to think of it I'm not sure it ever has. But at some point running became comfortable. I would set out without a second thought. I would run for 45 minutes straight and not think twice. I would crave running.
If something was bugging me, if there was anything on my mind, I always knew that I could run. Running didn't give me a break from my brain and it didn't take my worries away. I didn't run away from my problems, I asked them to come along. I asked them to come and spend 30 minutes with me. I asked them to spend just 30 minutes alone, with me.
Running was there when my first boyfriend made me feel lower than dirt. Running was there when my second boyfriend made me feel lower than scum on dirt. Running was there when there were grad school applications, exams that I thought my life depending on and assignments I never thought I could finish. Running was there when my godfather died, when my grandpa died and when the idea that there was nothing wrong with my brain... died.
Running is mine. It's something that belongs to only me. Running is my best friend, my constant friend.
Because running is me.
Maybe everyone who doesn't run, doesn't because they can't stand the thought of spending 30 minutes with themselves. Maybe they can't encourage themselves up that hill, against that wind or for just one more step.
If I didn't have running, I don't know what I'd be.
"my knees are bad"
"it hurt's my back"
"I don't have time"
"I'm too out of shape"
"running pants make my butt look big"
When I started running I was all those things. And I hated myself.
When I started running I wore a beat up old pair of tennis shoes. When I started running I wore a pair of XL sweatpants.
It was July.
I ran at night so no one would see me.
But somewhere deep down I knew that nothing could ever feel as bad as I did about myself. I was already so low that not being able to run for more than 60 seconds couldn't possibly break me down anymore.
So out I would go, after dark so no one would see. I would carry my cd player in one hand and my water in the other. I would trudge my way through 5km, and some nights only 1km.
I'm not sure when running became "easy", come to think of it I'm not sure it ever has. But at some point running became comfortable. I would set out without a second thought. I would run for 45 minutes straight and not think twice. I would crave running.
If something was bugging me, if there was anything on my mind, I always knew that I could run. Running didn't give me a break from my brain and it didn't take my worries away. I didn't run away from my problems, I asked them to come along. I asked them to come and spend 30 minutes with me. I asked them to spend just 30 minutes alone, with me.
Running was there when my first boyfriend made me feel lower than dirt. Running was there when my second boyfriend made me feel lower than scum on dirt. Running was there when there were grad school applications, exams that I thought my life depending on and assignments I never thought I could finish. Running was there when my godfather died, when my grandpa died and when the idea that there was nothing wrong with my brain... died.
Running is mine. It's something that belongs to only me. Running is my best friend, my constant friend.
Because running is me.
Maybe everyone who doesn't run, doesn't because they can't stand the thought of spending 30 minutes with themselves. Maybe they can't encourage themselves up that hill, against that wind or for just one more step.
If I didn't have running, I don't know what I'd be.
posted by Laura at 9:42 PM
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